If you are the parent who hands out cell phones like it's an innate right of childhood, raise your hand. No, please don't. I'm just messing with you.
I recognize that there is a wide spectrum of parenting on this topic. We know some families who wait to give their teenagers phones until they are 16+. Others hand out the latest and greatest iPhone to children who are just learning to read. I'm not judging either side because I think families need to decide what works best for them, just as we have done.
We have yet to become an 'iPhone' family. We have some iPods and a kindle, a few laptops and a few more computers (both PC and Mac), my husband and I have android phones and our two oldest boys have non-data phones (which means they can
only use them to call and text) but nobody has an iPhone. This is in part because my husband and are I content with the phones we have. We made the conversion to cells only and my husband uses a voice-over IP for work. We're pretty tech savvy, actually. We just haven't found a need to justify the cost of iPhones. If they were free with our cell phone contract would we have them? Most likely yes. I mean, they are pretty cool. It's not that we're against them, we just don't own any.
I don't know if it's just the novelty or the elevation in social status given by the acquirement of such an amazing gadget, but my children have taken it upon themselves to inform me of every new iPhone owner they come accross. They don't discriminate either. They must bring it to my attention for every child, teen and adult. Of course they tell me with that special 'teen' inflection that implies that we are the last parents IN. THE. WORLD. who haven't given them iPhones yet. You know the voice. Some eye rolling is always involved too. But like I said, I really don't have a problem with the iPhone.
Here's my problem: social media. Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, iMessage, iChat, FaceTime and anything else that puts my kid in touch with other people outside of face to face interactions.
What
is the appropriate age to introduce our children to social media? Instagram and Gmail and Facebook all suggest age 13. When we give children smart phones we really aren't giving them 'phones' at all, are we?
My son had an experience recently where he (and us as parents) learned first hand that any thing you text, take a picture of, or comment on is out there FOREVER. Your private information is no longer private. Anyone with an iPhone can 'capture' your post or text or feed or tweet to store or reuse as they see fit. Because my boys are still children (really), they have operated under the false idea that they can 'delete' their information anytime they want despite my constant warnings. They believe the old adage, 'out of sight, out of mind' applies, but it does not apply. IT DOES NOT APPLY. Once posted, texted or tweeted it can live forever. And I'm here to tell you that if someone takes it upon themselves to put together every dumb thing you ever typed or took a picture of, it can paint an ugly picture. A really, really damaging one actually. Everything our children innocently or naively put out there in social media can be taken out of context and used to hurt them.
I recently read an
article written by a mother of children with iPhones (ages 7 and 10). She claims that it is our job to teach our children about social media and it definitely is. However, I've been teaching and teaching and teaching and my boys still don't get it. So now I'm asking myself, what is the appropriate age to introduce our children to social media, including texting? Obviously I want them to learn while they are still living in my home so my first impulse answer of 35 isn't going to work.
At what age are they mature enough and responsible enough to handle the pressure of social media? I think this age might be earlier for girls than boys and later for some than others. Like I said previously, that's for each family to decide. But the answer is not going to be the same for every family or child. If I had it to do all over again, I think I would wait to give my boys texting until they were 14. And I haven't decided about all the other stuff. Whenever other parents give me a hard time about giving my grade schoolers cell phones (that can only be used for actual dialing and calling other people), I always laugh and ask what the harm is. Kids don't even use the 'phone' anymore. I do it for me, so that I can find them easily and worry less. That said, I'm kind of thinking that everything else that comes with a 'phone' (smart phone) has more ability to harm our kids than we even understand.
I once heard a psychologist explain that giving our children smart phones is like handing them a loaded gun. I shivered at the analogy then, but I quake now because quite honestly, I think that's an understatement. Why aren't more parents paying attention and learning how to protect their children instead of handing out iPhones like candy?** Here's another adage...'it's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt'. And let me tell you, when it was my kid that got hurt, there wasn't anything sweet about it.
**I recognize that lots of great parents put restrictions on their children's smart phones. Good job and please know that this post is not directed at you. Thanks!
